The Challenges of the First Week and Other Things I'm Sort of Uncomfortable Sharing

As we said multiple times on this day-trip, we found paradise in Tuscany.

What they don't tell you about coming to Florence:

You will be living in *a city.* there will be graffiti, street performers, noise, smog, and tourists. Watch where you walk; drivers think signs are suggestions.

People don't smile. Apparently smiling can be interpreted as wanting to get something out of someone, or having hidden intentions. This isn't to say Italians aren't nice--they just want to get to know you a little bit.

Tourists are everywhere. It will be difficult to learn Italian if you look like a tourist or struggle with the language, because most people will speak to you in English in the service industry. They do appreciate your efforts, though, so at least try.

Everything is a little more expensive (compared to Iowa, at least). Especially avoid places that have signage in English. They're probably geared towards tourists, and the gelato won't be as good. If there's a lot of smokers outside a place, it's probably good.

You will fall in love with the city, even if its people don't always love you back. You will stop in the street to stare at the architecture. You will laugh at kids with gelato all over themselves and in turn, their parent. You will imagine yourself dropping everything to start a new life here.

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After my first two classes of the week, which are a whopping 2.5 hours a piece, I spent most of Thursday in bed. I had been walking 2-4 hours every day previously in the heat, kept waking up in the middle of the night, and despite me telling myself that I'm invincible and have no physical needs, I was drained. The whole honeymoon phase of the culture shock had worn off. I wanted my mom, chocolate, and Netflix (in that order). Unfortunately, I only had Netflix, and even that was a disappointment: apparently the shows I've been watching aren't available in Italy. Woe is me.

I mean, how could you not walk all day when this is your typical view?

I won't lie and say the transition to life here has been easy. I've never been abroad, lived in a city, or lived with five roommates. Beggars in the street make me uncomfortable. It's been difficult finding other students to trust, because I've made good friends and every person I meet it's hard not to compare. And I've cried a few times--starting with overlooking the city in Florence's rose gardens It was a cry of relief--that I'm here, that I'm giving myself a break from my life at home. The next cry was in bed on Thursday, because I missed my family so much, and because of the time difference they're at work all of my waking hours. The last cry was on Friday. I was walking home from my last class of the week, and I finally noticed the entrance to a 15th century church that's on a quiet street a block from my house. The door was open, so I entered to find peeling frescoes, lit candles, and faint angelic choral music playing over a loudspeaker. 

Thank goodness for technology. Photo credit: Mom.

I lit a candle for my dad, because it seemed like the right thing to do. I dropped a few euros in the offering box and found a pew. For the first time in a week, all I heard was the music, and above that, silence. I was so relieved by the quiet that I started to cry (which is a normal thing for me, don't worry). I cried because I deserve this, and all the doubt about leaving home had left. I cried for my dad, because I want to tell him about all the people I've met and all the food I've been eating. I cried because I am so flipping happy, tired, and emotional. Maybe because for the first time in a long time, I felt like I had complete self-determination and freedom. Besides classes, of course.  

I've been making decisions solely for myself, not based on the expectations of others or because I've pressured myself into doing too much. I went to the Tuscan countryside this weekend, and when I showed my mom some of my pictures, she said I looked so happy. I mean, anyone would be happy at an Italian winery, but the fantastic views, the company of new friends, and the realization that this is my life now probably was painted on my face. I went to a wine club tonight by myself tonight simply because it sounded fun. I promise all these self-actualizing decisions don't involve wine.

This man, Marco, has found happiness working with his brother on his family farm all his life.
Apparently he loves his cows enough to brush them everyday.  There's probably some lesson here.

I'm not a terribly religious person, but I decided to go to a Latin mass at the Duomo Sunday morning, done in Gregorian chant. Why? Mostly because it seemed like one of those *once in a lifetime* experiences, and I've been seeking spiritual connection. If you haven't been to the Duomo, or any cathedral of the same magnitude, I would recommend it to any person, religious, spiritual, or not. The weight of the place is felt immediately upon entering, and the organ filled my body with vibrations. I was able to lose myself in the chant, and despite having little understanding of Latin besides singing it in choir and catechism, Catholic mass is about the same everywhere, so I felt comfortable enough. I felt at peace, just like I did when I was in the rose garden, just like I have in the past few days.

a so-so dome pic, done in haste because of the scowling old
Italian woman behind me trying to leave mass

There has been so much good in coming here. I just didn't realize that so much of it would be about me learning about myself and not about other cultures. I'm sure more of both is to come, and that makes me smile.